During my court drama with J.D. I got the idea that maybe I should ask for mediation. I did not think that one through at all. I thought that somehow he and I could work everything out in mediation and present it to the court all pretty like.
Why do I think that?? Talk about fantasy land!
The Mediator, or as I like to came to call her the Idiot started off by giving us the ground rules, no swearing, listen to each other, use I statements and remember the purpose of this is the child. She asked us to give her some background information, name and ages (we got that right), then she wanted to know the background of our custody and visitation. She asked me to start first.
“We divorced in April 2014 after living apart since September 2010. From 2010 until now (Nov. 2015), J.D has visited our son 4 times. He has spent about 15 hours with him supervised. He does not call regularly and has not wanted to set up any regular call times. He agree to 25 hours a year of supervised visitation during our divorce as he said he was unprepared to be a father and really didn’t think he would have much to do with our son until he was older.”
J.D said, ” That’s all lies.” The Idiot asked what was lies, and J.D. said, “I never said I wanted only 25 hours a year of visitation. I tried to visit she wouldn’t let me.”
The Idiot asked J.D to clarify a few things. “What is your current visitation?”
J.D. “25 hours a year, but I didn’t want that she made me sign the paper.”
Idiot, “You signed under duress?”
J.D., “No, but she wouldn’t give me the divorce unless I agreed to that.”
Idiot, “Okay, how often would you say you visit?”
J.D., “Well, I don’t because she won’t let me.”
Idiot, “Have you tried?”
J.D., “She won’t let me.”
Idiot, “You know really we should talk about phone calls.” That was it? I was expecting her to call B.S on that, but she didn’t.
We spent the next hour working out a phone call plan. J.D. didn’t like any of the proposed times and didn’t believe me when I said Jude went to bed at 7:3o. Um how would he know?? He insisted that he should be able to call whenever and I should drop what I was doing to get our son on the phone. Once we got phone calls set up I requested therapeutic visitation siting J.D.’s lack of relationship with his son. J.D of course went nuts at that. “That’s BS I don’t need a therapist.” He went on to talk about how I refused to let him see our son and how once he saw our son again they would instantly bond. “I don’t need some therapist telling me how to be a Dad. I’m a great Dad.”
The Idiot asked me if I understood J.D.’s position and could I work to understand how he felt. Actually no, Idiot iI don’t understand. She said I was not listening or trying to emphasize with J.D.
I cited several documents I had researched on reintroducing an absent parent. The Idiot did not like this and tried to tell me I could not just read random things on the internet. I explained the document and offered to send her a link. She said that we didn’t’ have time for that. The Idiot asked J.D how often he would get to WA to see our son, J.D. said maybe once a year. I said, “Great you come here once a year and I will come there once a year.” He said, “No, I don’t want you in San Diego every.” That gave me a smile.
The last hour was J.D. playing the victim and the Idiot asking me if I could understand where J.D was coming from. I guess J.D felt like I didn’t value his contribution as a father. What?? Contribution except for DNA and child support he hadn’t contributed anything to our son.
We finally agreed on a plan and then J.D says, “Fine now what is her punishment going to be?” What?? J.D actually wanted to know how I was going to be punished for moving. He wanted the court to order me back to Las Vegas so he could establish a relationship with our son and then I could move. When The Idiot explained to J.D that wasn’t happening he became hostile, started yelling and cursing and The Idiot terminated that call and told the court we had not reached an agreement.
That little 2.5 hours cost me $200. When I asked The Idiot how much she charged she said that it was based on our income. J.D and I would each pay a portion based on our income. Great fine, but what is your hourly I asked, The Idiot said she didn’t have one, but that it was based on our income. That makes no sense what so ever!!
Mediation was a complete waste of time.