The world of child custody, the fight over a child is something I never imagined I would be part of. Much of the terms used in the divorce process, custody, 50/50, ‘my weekend’, or’my time,’ is used to in relation to a child, yet those are words used to describe a possession. Why does divorce turn a child into a possession a thing to be fought over. won or lost?
I have heard so many stories of mothers (and yes I realize this happens to fathers too, but I am speaking from experience) that have lost custody. Abusers, I have learned often seek revenge on the wife by using the children, often seeking custody out of anger . J.D tried. After he told me to leave, after he told me he didn’t want to be a father or husband, he threatened me. He told me if I didn’t bring back ‘his’ T.V he would charge me with kidnapping our son. He tried to blackmail me, give me $3000 and I will let you ‘keep Jude.’ He told my parents that if they wanted me to take Jude out of the state they first had to give him money. He told me he could take Jude and I would never see him again. I didn’t believe him at first, but after being in the world of divorce and parenthood, I believe him.
I think had he had a lawyer and had he said the right things he could have ‘won’ Jude. Jude wasn’t and is never a person to J.D. Jude is a possession to be used to get back at me. Jude was all that I cared about and J.D tried to use that. His weapon, his threats, ‘give me money or a T.V and I won’t take Jude from you’ scared me. Those words he said to me several times over the course of 3 months after I left him. I grew to fear that he would take Jude, fear that I would have to make a choice.
For me it has yet (I won’t say never) come to that. As of now a judge has determined I am the fit parent and has awarded me the right to raise my son. But what about those that have lost the right to parent? Did they deserve that?