Just One for Me

Jude is my first and only child. I often thought that I would have one more. J.D, my ex-husband only wanted one child, a boy and he was done. I always knew I would be a mother to a son and I rarely wished I had a daughter. Occasionally I was sucked in by all the adorable girl clothes, but a quick check of price tags and the longing for girl seemed to magically disappear.

This year I will be 42, and Jude will be 6. I know that I won’t have another child, most days I am just fine with that, grateful  to have Jude. Today I saw on Facebook (or Fakebook) that a friend is pregnant with her 3rd child. She has two boys and of course is hoping for a girl. She has the ‘perfect’ life. Her and her husband are teachers and what they can’t afford her wealthy parents purchase. When she graduated high school she got a new BMW, diamond earrings when she graduated college and half the money needed for a new home when she got married. Her parents watch the kids while she works and help out with day care costs for the oldest one that just turned 3. I’ve known Gio for about 8 years. Oddly enough my ex-husband introduced us. They knew each other through mutual friends. Gio was just completing her student teaching when I met her.  She used to bring me little gifts at school because I would help her out with things. I always considered Gio a friend, we weren’t real close, but we ran in the same in circles. She came to my baby shower and made me the neatest diaper cake.  I was and have been somewhat envious of her.

A few years ago we were invited to the same birthday for friends of ours. It was the first time she had seen me since J.D and I had divorced. She was surprised when I told her some of the details of my divorce from J.D. She said that J.D had always been a flirt, but cheating just seemed so out of character for him.  She told me her marriage wasn’t so great, that her husband, Ryan had a gambling addiction. A gambling addict in Vegas! She went on to say that her parents were always having to bail them out because he would spend entire pay checks gambling. She said they now have a system where his money goes into an account that he had no access too.  I felt sorry for her, living with someone that you can’t trust. I asked her if she had plans on leaving. Gio looked at me oddly and said, “Like divorce? No, I wouldn’t.” I was surprised. I can’t imagine living with a gambling addict and not being able to trust him.  She went on to have a 2nd and now a 3rd child with this guy. I wonder the price she pays to stay in that marriage. I know I couldn’t pay the price for my marriage.

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